How to reach goals faster?

Do you struggle achieving goals? Do you feel like you don’t have a strong will and you can never finish what you’ve started because you get distracted? This episode is for you. I take you through a simple step by step process that takes in consideration changes happening in your life. This process will help you meet yourself where you are at, so that you don’t quit, when things get hard.

Remember, your success is built on your failures. 

Your path is not set in stone, be flexible. You are not a robot. 

Learn from struggles and mistakes, what can you do better the next time. 

 Have a goal? Here is what you do:

• List all of the projects you have started and finished. Everything that comes to your mind, big accomplishments and small ones. 
• What is your goal? ( Make it measurable. When will you know you have achieved it?) 
• Why do you want to achieve this goal? List all your reasons. 
• Ask yourself these 3 questions:                                                                                                                  What will happen if I don’t go for it? Then what? What will that mean about me?
  What will happen if I go for it but quit along the way? What will that mean about me?
  What will happen if I go for it and achieve it? What will that mean about me?
  And then, when I get there how will I celebrate it? 
• List all obstacles. What could prevent you from achieving this goal?
• Take each obstacle and turn it into a strategy. 
• How will you create motivation everyday to keep on going? Decide what you need to be thinking? 
• Evaluation: What went well? What didn’t go well? What will I do differently? 

Remember, your success is built on your failures. 

Your path is not set in stone, be flexible. You are not a robot. 

Learn from struggles and mistakes, what can you do better the next time. 

Do you need a coach? Schedule your complimentary consultation here: https://lifecoachforimmigrants.com/

To join our Facebook Group "Pogaduchy na Emigracji" click here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1106767306991881/

SIGN UP FOR FREE COURSE ON HOW TO FEEL GOOD HANGING OUT WITH AMERICANS WHEN YOU ARE THE ONLY IMMIGRANT IN THE GROUP:
https://shorturl.at/chyM2

Need my help?
SCHEDULE A QUICK CALL WITH ME:
https://app.simplymeet.me/lifecoachewelina

Chapters

• 0:07 What stands in your way
• 0:37 Overview
• 1:24 Why we don't set goals?
• 3:05 We start here
• 5:04 List all your accomlishments big and small
• 8:09 Choose a goal
• 9:55 Make it measurable
• 10:30 Explore your WHY?
• 16:41 Ask these 3 questions
• 19:11 List all obstacles
• 20:39 Strategizing

Transcript

Hi everyone, this is Ewelina Life coach for immigrants, and today we are going to talk about achieving goals. Your life story is already filled with evidence that you go after what you want and you achieve what you want. 

By default your brain is not focusing on that. So if you are arguing with me right now, that’s why. You have to ask your brain specific questions about your life to actually see it and today I wanna suggest that we start there and then we will set your goals. Before we do any of this I wanna give you a quick overview of what to expect from this episode. 

 So first of all I am gonna walk you step by step on how to set a goal, and how to achieve it. We are going to talk about a very specific process. It will include analyzing what might stand in your way of achieving that goal and then strategizing on how to overcome these obstacles. I will teach you how to  evaluate your progress so that the whole process becomes easier and more pleasant and so that you are learning from your mistakes and so that you do not give up in the middle of it. Many of us do not set goals because we simplify it in our heads, we think that it’s gonna be like this. You set a goal, and then, like a robot you are just supposed to do what you are supposed to do to get to the goal without taking in consideration the life that you are living, the changes in your mood, in motivation, different events that happen in life that might completely throw you off your track… I am gonna teach you a process that will help you meet yourself where you are at instead of just completely abandoning the goal because you’ve decided it’s too hard. We are also going to talk about how to find motivation to do what you want to be doing, and how important celebrating is. So we have a lot to cover. But before we start let me tell you why I chose this topic in the first place. This is a gift for me and my clients because I see it a lot and I struggle with it too.  I have always felt that I overall struggle achieving goals because I don’t have a strong will, and I get distracted and I start a lot of things and I don’t finish them. And a lot of my clients come to me with the same mindset. And that all of that is true but it's not that simple. There are plenty of things I have started and finished in my life, but my brain just like yours by default keeps on focusing on what didn’t go well. And yet the good news is that these are all just sentences in our minds. These are sentences that might be creating that  feeling of overwhelm and lack of motivation to do things, right? And when someone was to ask you: Hey why don’t you do this? You are like: Eh, no thanks. I’d try but what’s the point, really?  I don’t ever finish anything I start. I get distracted. I lose interest. 

But these are lies. You have started and finished a lot of projects in your life. Not all of them but a lot So this is why I want to start here. If you, like me, have had this sense of overwhelm because you are telling yourself that you are not good at achieving goals because you’ve tried and failed in the past and then you were beating yourself up for it…you know, nothing has gone wrong really. Your brain just focused in one direction and we just need to first balance it out. But this is important because unless we do that you will not be building this new goal on a correct belief. It would be like building a house on a ground that keeps on moving and shifting. 

So first we need a solid ground. Your ground is your belief. You need to believe that you are actually capable of going after this goal, of starting the process, of doing it and getting to the finish line. So let's start there. The easiest way to build this is to show your brain that there is plenty of evidence already confirming this truth. 

Number one thing you want to do is to list all of the projects you have started and finished. Everything that comes to your mind, big accomplishments and small ones. 

So it could be your education, or getting the job you have,  it could be the whole process of moving to the country you are living in now. First there was an idea, then you had to plan how you will make it happen, then you had to prepare for travels, then you traveled, and then you arrived in this new place, then you had a list of other things you had to do soon after just to get established, right?

It was a process and every step of this process had a beginning and end. The whole process had a beginning and an end and also these individual steps did as well. So all we have to do is we have to show your brain that this has already happened. That there have been plenty of goals set and achieved in your life to build that belief. That is your first step.

You will want to write out all the projects you’ve done in your life that had a beginning and end. Everything you can remember. Small projects and big projects. The more you have the stronger the evidence. It can be everyday things. Like when you do laundry do you start and finish? Yes, right? It might take you a day or two to fold the laundry but that process does have an end.When you go grocery shopping, there is a beginning and end. The items are brought inside the house and then put away and that is the end. What about reading a book? Or watching a movie? Or taking your dog for a walk? Or going on a vacation? Or really, doing any task at your work?

I know that you might be arguing with me, right now because your brain is still very much holding on to all of the evidence that you don’t finish what you’ve started. That’s okay. 
This is what I want to offer. Your brain is correct, we can accept this, right? Sometimes you start and you don’t finish but sometimes you actually do finish these different projects. Your reality contains both, finished and unfinished projects. Your brian will wanna see the unfinished only, but we are gonna have to balance it out.  So what is it that you’ve finished, list all the small and big tasks. That’s your first assignment. That’s where we need to start. 

Now the next step will be to choose a goal. So you will wanna ask yourself: What do I want? And answer this… like exactly? Specifically, what is it that you want?  More money? Better quality life? If so, what does that mean to you? What does that look like? DO you wanna travel? Where to? When ? Do you wanna have your own business? Ok, what exactly do you want to be doing? When do you want to start? When do you want to register your new business with the state you are living in or the country you are in? Maybe you want to get married? To whom? Is there someone specific in your life or do you first have to find that very special person? No matter what it is, you want to  choose just one thing. FOr the sake of this podcast and learning this whole process from me, choose just one thing. It can be a big project or a small project, it does not matter. But If you have not done this kind of work ever, where you are actually planning and strategizing before getting something done, I would suggest choosing a smaller goal. It would be something smaller like maybe not eating dinner for a week because you want to sleep better and have more energy the next day.  

Now that you have that goal we are gonna ask this question. How will you know that it’s done? We want to make it measurable. If it's weight that you want to loose What is the scale gonna have to show for you to know you hit your goal? If it's a financial goal, what is it exactly? How much money will you need to see in your bank account for you to feel like: OK this is it! I am here! I did it! 

Next step is we are gonna explore  your “Why?” Why is it that you want to do this?

And this needs to be very clear and obvious to you. You want to figure this part out.  

For example, I am recording this episode for you right now. I am sitting in my office doing it.  I've made a goal for myself to create this podcast  about empowerment for immigrants and parts of achieving it obviously is recording these episodes. That’s my goal today, right to work on this episode but my big goal is to keep on creating this podcast. But why? Why is it that I am sitting in my office right now and I am  doing this? I could be doing a million other things, I am doing this now. Why? 

I have actually a pretty big “why” I am gonna tell you. 

It’s because years ago I really suffered and I wish I had guidance I can give you now. I know I can help you. I was helped and I want to pass that on. But before I was helped I was suffering for a very very long time and I did not understand why. 

I wish that the younger me that came to the US in 2005 and for many years after that kept on struggling with confusion, and lack of clarity, and feeling lost and angry and so incredibly frustrated. The one that was crying herself to sleep at night because she thought that there is something really wrong with her, and with her life.  I wish she had this podcast, that she had my voice to tell her: 

“The reason why this is so hard is because you are in a space in between. You are creating a new you. But you are not doing that consciously, you are not deciding for yourself whom you want to be.  This is why you feel lost. The old you, “the Polish you” is still there but parts of you are dying, because so much of who you were is no longer needed in this country you are living in now. But that new space is being filled with new energy.  And you are becoming someone else but it’s painful because you are not deciding for yourself who you want to be. You are allowing for other people, and their expectations and opinions to choose that for you. So you are twisting and turning trying to be someone you are not…  And this is why there is so much confusion and suffering. 

Ewelinka, if I can give you one piece of advice it’s this: Ask yourself: whom do I want to be? What do you want to be feeling on a daily basis? What do you have to think to feel that? What do you want to be doing? 

Listen you guys  if someone had come to me and told me this, what I just said. Everything would have been different in my life. So many years of suffering would’ve been avoided.  I would have saved so much time! I suffered for many years before I finally gave myself permission to go back to Poland with a one way ticket to try to figure it out. 

Today I know that all of that was unnecessary. Even that trip to Poland.  The answers were within me all along. If I had a good coach to help me dig them out, I could have saved a lot of time, a lot of money,  a lot of struggle, all that drama, all my suffering, my husband's suffering, my parents' suffering, all that confusion, all of that would have been prevented. 

This is why I do what I do. Because I believe that with these ideas and questions guiding you to deeper self awareness you can prevent a lot of suffering. And the less you suffer, the better the world is. And then the better this world becomes for both of us. 

The more control you have the more power to choose love. And love is the answer my friends. 

SO that is my reason, this is my ‘why.” This is why I record this podcast. I don’t have to ask myself this every time but let's say that I have a podcast scheduled to write and record and I don’t feel like it. It's a lot of work and I don’t want to do it. I can remind myself of that mission. 

And the why behind it is so strong that it will convince me to get my shit together and get to work. So for you with your goal, you want that answer to be clear. You wanna know exactly why you are doing it. Now, I have given you a pretty major example: it does not have to be as big and deep and grand. This is a mission for my lifetime, so yes, this is a big goal and like the reason why I am doing it is so deep and profound but it needs to be in this case. But maybe you wanna lose weight because you want to have more energy, feel stronger, and look younger? Or maybe you want to make a specific amount of money because you’d like to spend it on a very specific thing. It does not matter, it does not have to be such a grand goal. Not at all. I actually really suggest that you choose something simpler, smaller and you start there.  

So first we set a goal, then ask yourself why you want it, why you wanna achieve it and then you are gonna ask yourself these questions:

What will happen if I don’t go for it? Then what? What will that mean about me?

What will happen if I go for it but quit along the way? What will that mean about me?

What will happen if I go for it and achieve it? What will that mean about me?

And then, when I get there how will I celebrate it? 

Once that big goal is achieved what exactly are you gonna do? Liste, it does not have to be anything super fancy, but it can be fancy if you want it. If it’s a big goal,  take yourself on an amazing vacation, or buy something you’ve always wanted, maybe give yourself a certain experience as a celebration? Could be something grand but it does not have to be. Maybe, maybe you’ve never had a facial done and this will be something you give yourself? You will schedule a facial and you will have that experience.  Or maybe you will take a day and go on a trip to a city you’ve wanted to explore. Whatever you choose, make it appealing for yourself. Choose the goal because you really want it and the celebration also because you really want it. And imagine what it would feel like to get to that point of the celebration, right? And so if it was facial, what would it feeling like to get that facial. To  lay there having someone work on your face massaging it and you laying in that chair, relaxing, enjoying it, thinking to yourself : “I’ve earned this with my hard work. This is wonderful, I am so glad I gave this to myself. I did such a great job and now I can enjoy this reward.” 

So whatever reward makes it  special and creates this vision of you actually enjoying it. That energy of that vision will be pulling  you towards it 

Now that you know how you're gonna celebrate it we are gonna strategize and think of all the things that will be standing in your way. Let's say that your goal is to stop eating dinner at night for 2 weeks. You have decided that your last meal will be a light snack at 4pm. So what might be standing in your way? What are the obstacles?  

Maybe wanting to eat, because you’ve used to do it, you’ve used to eat that dinner,  and you have a pattern of it and your lower brain will want that dopamine from food. Maybe you will forget to eat the light snack at 4 oclock and you will get really hungry. Or maybe if your spouse is still eating his dinner and he is cooking it you will be tempted, right for you  to eat, that’s an obstacle right? Another obstacle is that you could also just lose motivation, decide that this is too hard and that you are not gonna do it any longer, right? This happens to us often and yet guess what? You can prepare for that option ahead of time. So this is how we are gonna do this, we are gonna  strategize. You are gonna take your first reason why you could fail at this which is that you will be wanting to eat in the evening because this is what you are used to doing and your lower brain will be asking for dopamine it would normally get from food. 

How will you deal with that? You could decide that you will pay attention to when exactly this desire, this wanting to eat comes… that in that moment you will take your journal and you will write all the thoughts that your brain is giving you that are creating this desire. Right? Thoughts create feelings. So this desire is being created by thoughts that are coming from your lower brain. So thoughts might be something like:

“I want something sweet. I think we have something sweet in the kitchen. Oh I could have a piece of chocolate. I need something to eat right now.”

These thoughts are creating desire. Part of your strategy could be to write them down, feel the desire consciously  but not react to it. That’s something that I actually teach my clients to do. So that’s the strategy for the brain wanting dopamine and creating desire. 

Now, the next obstacle is actually being hungry, physically hungry because you forgot to eat that snack at 4pm. So first of all, how can you prevent forgetting? You can plan ahead of time. What is the snack you will be eating? Is the same thing every day or something different? Do you need to buy it or do you have it in the house? Where will you be when you will be eating it? In the house or still at work? And then if you fail to plan and dont have that snack… What do you wanna do when your body starts feeling physical hunger? Maybe you can  decide that when you get to that point you will make a cup of herbal tea? Or grab a glass of water? If it’s herbal tea, do you have some in the house or do you need to buy it? Right?

The next obstacle is that your husband might be cooking his dinner and you will wanna eat with him. You could decide that when he is eating you will leave that area, you will go to the bedroom and close the door, or you will go take a bath, or you will take the dog for a walk.… plan what you will be doing instead. You can give yourself a whole list of options to choose from. 

And the last obstacle I’ve mentioned was that you quit completely because you lose motivation. Why would you lose motivation? Because you would be thinking:

“This is really hard. I can’t do this. I didn’t know it would be so difficult. I don’t think I can do it. 

These thoughts would create a sense of gloom and disbelief and lack of motivation right? You’d be motivated to quit instead of being motivated to keep going so how can we prevent this from happening. First, what creates this? Thoughts, so number one thing to do is writing down what you are thinking to yourself about this project would be super helpful because it would show you why exactly you are not feeling motivated. 

And then you can decide what you can do with this? Now you see your thoughts on a piece of paper you can decide your brain a different direction. Now that you see these thoughts are creating this feeling of gloom and lack of motivation you can give your brain a different direction. This would be a great time to review your why. It would be a great time to say: Yes this is hard. I knew it would be hard but I still chose to do this because:

• I am actually losing weight
• I am sleeping much better
• I want to feel more rested tomorrow and have more energy for my day
• I want to fit in that red dress I love so much
• I want to look at myself in a mirror and feel really good about how I look
• I want to feel stronger and have more energy
• And I want to be healthier 

All these thoughts would create a sense of motivation within you, right? 

Any goal is easier to achieve when you have that sense of motivation built up within you?

How could you do that? You could write your list or reasons why you are doing it, everyday. You could read it. You could record it on your phone and listen to it. And you can specifically plan to do all of this work, this motivating work before the evening comes. So that the energy, that conviction within you is still very, very fresh and strong and you are ready for it. 

But do you see what we are doing? We are thinking ahead. We are planning and strategizing. 

And this is all common sense, none of this is rocket science, you can figure it out. 

But this part is important because if we don’t do it, the first obstacle comes and you  fail, right? Now there is one more part to help you make this process easier and way more pleasant and that is a very important part and that is evaluation. It’s simple but it’s crucial. 

So this is how you do it. After every time you take action towards your goal you want to ask yourself 3 questions;

1. What went well? What didn’t go well? What will I do differently?

So if your goal is to not eat dinner after the evening is over and you are about to go to bed, or when you wake up the next morning,  analyze it for yourself. See where you did well and where you didn’t, what is it that has to be adjusted. The best way is to simply write it out. When you do this you will give yourself a chance to meet yourself where you are at and adjust what is necessary. You are not a robot. You are a human being, your life is always changing and shifting. Your inner world is changing and when you are trying to achieve a goal there has to be consistency and repetition in place, right? The steadiness that you are creating with that repeated action must meet that continuous change that is happening in your life. Evaluation allows for that to happen… So what went well? What didn’t go well? What will I do differently?

3 simple questions but truly this is the key to your progress. 

Okay my friends, that’s it! I know this was pretty intense but we are done, this is it! 
I will add this process to the description of this show so you can follow it step by step and see how to get things done.. 

So sit down take a piece of paper and not one but many or the best yet buy yourself a journal do this work, do this basic work of writing down what you want, why do you want it and then strategize, list all the obstacles, list all the strategies to overcome the obstacles and then give yourself promise of evaluating your progress every single day. Everytime you take action towards your goal, evaluate it. This is a very important piece.

No matter what your dream is, you definitely have everything you need to achieve it. If you didn’t you wouldn’t have that dream.  

As I said before I am a life coach for immigrants. I help established immigrants create better quality lives. So if you are someone that moved to a different country because they had a dream and the reality is not really the dream you’ve imagined, or maybe it is but you are still not happy, I can help you.  

Also if you have a goal but have no idea how to get there, or it’s such a huge project you just feel  overwhelmed even thinking about it, I can help as well.  

Go to my site, schedule a complimentary consultation. During that time you will tell me what you need help with and if I can help I’d tell you exactly how I would do and I will explain how my 1/1 program works. The link to my site is in the description of this show.

Alright my friends!
Have an amazing day and I will talk to you next time.