What to do when you feel stuck?

Have you ever felt trapped in your life? Like... you know you should change, but you just can’t?  In this episode I share with how our brains in a bid for survival amplify the fear of change, often leading to stagnation. 

If you are an immigrant struggling with cultural disconnect and language barriers I want to take you on a journey of self discovery.  By revisiting our past and acknowledging our growth we can shatter these barriers. 

You and I, as immigrants we have already mastered the art of adaptation. 

Let’s leverage this strength, redefine our relationship with fear, embrace change and celebrate our growth. 

Here is the link to your video self coaching exercize:
https://youtu.be/ioO1rvXbPkA

To join our Facebook Group "Pogaduchy na Emigracji" click here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1106767306991881/

SIGN UP FOR FREE COURSE ON HOW TO FEEL GOOD HANGING OUT WITH AMERICANS WHEN YOU ARE THE ONLY IMMIGRANT IN THE GROUP:
https://shorturl.at/chyM2

Need my help?
SCHEDULE A QUICK CALL WITH ME:
https://app.simplymeet.me/lifecoachewelina

Chapters

• 0:01 Overcoming Stagnation
• 12:35 Overcoming Cultural Disconnect Through Exercises
• 19:20 Overcoming Language and Perception Challenges

Transcript

Hello, my friends, this is a Ewelina life coach for immigrants. I hope you're doing good. I am doing okay. I have low energy level today, so it's gonna be kind of a chill podcast. If you're in a chill mood, this is for you. We're gonna be talking about something that I see happening with a lot of my clients. People often come to me because they feel stuck, and we're gonna talk today about how to prove to yourself that you can get out. I am gonna talk to you about one aspect of it, but I think for us immigrants, it's an important thing. So, yeah, we're gonna discuss what to do when you feel stuck. 

I think you know the feeling I'm talking about, when you feel like you should be doing something but you keep on postponing it. Maybe it's your diet. Maybe you know that you need to change your diet, but you don't feel motivated to do so. Or maybe you have been promising yourself that you will start watching less TV and reading more books or going to bed earlier, and it's always I'll start on Monday. Now we are in December, so you might be saying to yourself ah, I'll start next year. That's a big one. Yeah, nowadays, especially where it comes to weight loss, we got motivated for a little while, but by January 15th, somewhere around there, somehow, we are back to our old habits. So this is for you, my friend if you have been lying to yourself, if you have been pretending that you are gonna do something, but you end up not doing it at all, and when you think about it, you feel down, deep inside. You feel down, your self-esteem suffers because you know that things could be different, but they're not. You know that you have this potential inside of you and yet you are not making the changes. So today I want to explain why we have a tendency to do this and, I hope, to inspire you to see yourself as someone who is excellent at changing Excellent. 

So first of all, let's talk about why we are afraid of change, because it's fear that holds us back from changing. You know, one of the reasons why we feel stuck is that, deep inside, we are afraid that the change we anticipate will bring some danger to our lives. Now, this is something that's happening deep, deep, deep within you. You might completely disagree with me right now and be like oh, I am not afraid of change, I'm just not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I don't know why, but I'm not afraid of anything. Yeah, you are, you are. You are afraid. You might not know it. It might not be obvious. There might be some other reasons, but this will be one of the reasons and I'll tell you why. It has to do with how we are built as human beings. 

So the lower part of the brain is stopping us from changing because it's hard-wired to prefer routine and consistency. To the lower brain, change means stepping out from what's familiar. The well-known reality you have been stuck in is familiar to the lower brain. It's safe. Now, the new reality that includes the change you have been anticipating, is not familiar to the lower brain. So, on the deepest levels, that unknown reality is triggering the fear of death. What I know, I know, I know, I know Death, yeah, death. 

The lower part of the brain is a drama queen Drama queen. It likes to exaggerate things. So you might be feeling stuck in your I don't know, maybe weight loss journey, but you know that if you lose 10 pounds you won't die. But your lower brain, just like mine and everybody else is on this planet, likes to make things super dramatic. So if you have been feeling stuck, realize, my friend, that this is what you're going against Evolution. For you to change, you have to go against that inner dynamic of self-protection. We have a tendency to stay in one place because, on that deep level, we are protecting ourselves from dying, and the longer we stay the same, the stronger the belief that we are not able to change. Yep, yep, yep. 

So today I want to inspire you to go back to your beginning, the beginning of your journey here in the US, the first days, weeks, months, that time when it was really hard because everything was new and unfamiliar. I want to invite you to go back and connect with the person you were back then, the younger you. For so many of us, this was the hardest part of our journey, right, the very beginning. But maybe not for you. Maybe life brought some other struggles that came in after you were already living here, settled. And even if that's your case, I still want to suggest that you go back to that person, you in the very beginning of this journey, the one that had that courage to come and got on that plane and flew over here to the United States from your country of origin. Why do I suggest that we connect to him or her? Because you went through a long transformation and it's hard to see this transformation if you don't have a reference point. That person is gonna be your reference point so that you can see all the changes that happened within you. But you're still alive. 

Sometimes you resist a change because we believe that we are not good at changing and even though there is a part of you that will do whatever it can do to stop you from changing, even though your lower brain gets triggered with fear when there's something different in your reality. True, first, you've changed a lot. How do I know this? Because I know how hard the immigrant journey is. It's impossible not to change. When you move to a different country, interact with different culture, when you learn to speak another language, that whole combination causes you that you have to adapt, you have to shift. We immigrants are masters at shifting and yet when I work with my clients, I see so clearly that we don't give ourself credit for changing as much as we did. This is what inspired me to record this episode. I want to help you see clearly your own ability to change, just as you will see that you have changed and are a different person than you were before. 

10 years from now, you will be different again, and 20 years from now you will be different again. It's bound to happen. There will be difficulties that will be inspiring you to soften your heart, and there will be some other ones that will cause your heart to break and harden. There will be events that will shift your perception of this world. You might think differently about politics, your life situation, your money, your family, people around you and yourself. You might be thinking totally differently about yourself from this point on. 

When you work with a coach, that's what happens. The inner work inspires changes in your relationship with yourself. Have time. You start to support yourself differently. You become your best friend. See, that's the value of having a coach. We help our clients change faster and change in the direction they want to shift in. All right, let me explain To you how to do this work, how to connect to the person you were before and establish in your mind a strong belief that you are, in fact, a master of that change. 

Number one you're gonna need a journal or just a piece of paper and a pen. You will be answering a lot of questions, so you will want to do this when you have time and you will want to plan on spending a good hour on this work and afterwards I would suggest that you don't do anything major of these questions. You will be bringing new awareness to yourself, which means that you're shifting right perception of who you are. The change will happen in a Mental body first, so in your thoughts, right, and then it will settle into your emotions, so you will feel something when you is shifting. Obviously, nothing to be afraid of. These will be very subtle shifts, but I want to encourage you to respect this process and give yourself time and space For it to happen. This is why I suggest that you don't do anything major after doing this work, that you take it easy. 

So here is what you're going to do you will need to take a piece of paper and you will need to divide it in four parts. You're gonna be creating four columns. The one on the very left is the one you will be writing all the questions in, and the middle you will write about that younger you who came here, and Then in the next column, over. So it will be the third one from the left, and that one you will be writing about the person you are today, and In the fourth column, from the left right, so the one that would be on the right. In that column you're gonna be writing all the extras, and the extras I'll explain later what that exactly is. So, for example, I would be writing about me at 25, because I came here when I was 25 years old, and then I would be writing about me at 43, today. Okay so in this next part, as you will be writing the questions on the left and Then answering them in both columns Okay so you're gonna start with some basics, things like when do you live? Right For me, I would write Grand Rapids, michigan. When I was 25 years old, I lived in Grand Rapids, michigan. Today I'm 43, so I would write in there Sarasota, florida, because that's where I am now in. Sarasota, florida Makes sense, right, simple. 

The next question is what are your interests? So we're asking the 25-year-old girl right for me, and then we're asking me at 43, and I'm writing that out what that was. The next question is what do you do on a daily basis? So myself, at 25, I was working as an au pair. I was taking care of the girls that I was watching and I was going to school. I was hanging out with my friends. I would go shopping, sometimes depending on what time exactly I'd be connecting to within the time frame, but I was, during the year, dating my future husband, so I would write in there, also dating him. 

The next question is about pleasure. What did you enjoy doing? So what were the things that I enjoyed doing at 25? I enjoyed meeting people, going places, going to restaurants. I enjoyed reading, listening to music. I loved skiing. I learned that year that I love skiing. 

And today, at 43, that will be completely different. Things that I do for pleasure today are completely, completely different. I'm not going to tell you what it is. You've got to be OK with that. I'm not telling you what I do for pleasure nowadays, but listen, as I am explaining this exercise to you, I'm realizing that it might be a little bit difficult for you to understand exactly what I'm talking about. So I'm going to record a video where I will be showing you how this exercise is done, and that video will be for you on YouTube. I will make sure to add the link to this video in the description of this show so that you get to see how this is done and you can do this exercise with me. Why would we want to make sure that you do this. 

The nice thing about this exercise is that it's going to show you that contrast. On one hand, things are changing and it's safe to change. On the other hand, things are stable, and these are some of the things that are stable. That's valuable information, because one of the reasons why it's hard for us to change is, like I told you, the fear, right, the fear that there will be like the reality will shift so much that we will not be safe in it anymore. But the truth is, if you lose 10 pounds, your body will have 10 pounds less on it, but everything else will be pretty much the same. Why you still will have the same job, you will still be in the same relationship or not. If you're not in a relationship, your parents will still be your parents, your children will still be your children. There's so much that will stay the same that it's really ridiculous, right, it's ridiculous to be afraid of losing 10 pounds, and yet this is the dynamic that's happening within us. So the ridiculousness of it we have to see, and this exercise will help you see the steadiness that provides us with the contrast to what lower brain is trying to suggest. Right, that there will be something so dangerous and so crazy that you must be afraid of it. It's just simply not true. It's a lie. Our brain lies to us every day. 

Did you know that so much fun being a human being? Well, listen, my friend, I am almost done here. I want to invite you to come over to YouTube. You know, come on over, do this exercise with me over there on YouTube. We'll get to hang out and you will get all the benefits of this work. Now I want to also remind you that I have a course for those of you who have a hard time connecting to Americans. I know what it's like. I've been there. It's not fun. This is for all of you, and you know. 

I realized that this is often time a problem for women that have married American men like I married an American man right, and I immediately became a part of American family, which was wonderful and still is a wonderful family. That was not a problem. These are great people. The problem was the fact that I felt like I can't connect the same way. I was connecting to my family and friends in Poland and I was comparing and judging and closing myself from connecting from very beautiful, genuine place and eventually I got there. It happened, but I remember stressing so much and feeling really lost and disconnected and I was tired of all that feeling lonely. Feeling lonely and definitely feeling misunderstood. So I've created a course. It's a course that is composed of three lessons, three videos and you have three worksheets that will help you understand yourself better. I also share quite a bit of my story in those videos because I want you to understand who I am and as I'm describing my story. 

The feedback that I'm getting is that it helps to validate the feelings that many of you experience and makes you feel like you're not alone in it because you're not right. There's a lot of immigrants out there and we experience similar feelings because we interpret different situations in a similar manner. You know, and it also depends on your situation, there are some of you out there that are in a situation like I was, where I did not have anyone from my culture near me. I was by myself and it made me feel very lonely. That was the extra layer to it. Right that I didn't have any Polish girlfriends around me. I did not have this like community that was representing the culture I come from. That would help me feel connected or understood. I just didn't have it and that was not helpful. I think it could have been better and easier if I had some connections, but I didn't. It wasn't an easy journey and yet my heart goes out to those of you who struggle. When you go out there and you try meeting Americans. 

I understand the stress and anxiety and I know that you don't have to suffer. You don't have to feel lonely, you don't have to feel lost, you don't have to feel disconnected. This is all optional. It's optional and so, in that course, I hope you understand yourself. I hope you understand how to go from this place of stress and anxiety to feeling in control, calm, relaxed, and how to be your best friend. 

In those situations when you say something stupid or weird and things get really awkward, it happens to the best of us. Oh, my goodness, when I go back in my mind to those beginnings, to that girl you know me, that girl back then that just kept on showing up. It just kept on showing up. It's like at one point I just realized that there is not much I can control anymore and I just need to show up and pray for the best, hope for the best and things will be okay, and they were okay, but there wasn't much in my control and I had to accept a lot of things about myself and about the fact that others might be judging me and thinking things about me that are not very honorable. People might be thinking that I am not that intelligent, right. People might be thinking that I'm stupid and many of them probably did. 

Just because I spoke with an accent, my vocabulary was very limited. Sometimes I would not really fully understand what someone was saying to me.  So, yeah, all different kinds of perceptions, right, but the key is for you to not to worry about it, and I teach you how to get to that spot. So, anyway, listen, the link to this free course is in the description, and the link to the training video is in the description too. So I hope to see you in the training video and I hope to see you in a course. If you need help with connecting to Americans, alright, my friends, have a wonderful, beautiful day. I will talk to you next time. Bye.