5 Steps to Finding Love After Divorce.

In our heart-to-heart with Karolina, we navigate the tricky waters of dating and the dynamics of relationships in the modern world.  
We talk about:

•  the disappointment that comes with attracting partners who don't match our expectations,
• the differences between toxic and healthy alpha males,
• the importance of balancing masculine and feminine energies, 
• the art of letting go of control in relationships,
• magic that happens when we allow a partner to take the lead,
• the importance of stepping back, expressing appreciation, and the subtle nuances of giving and receiving.

Tune in to hear not only practical advice but also heartwarming stories of love found in unexpected places, and how aligning life visions can create strong, sustainable relationships.

To find Karolina Kolodziej on Facebook click here: https://www.facebook.com/karolina.magalska.1

To join our Facebook Group "Pogaduchy na Emigracji" click here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1106767306991881/

SIGN UP FOR FREE COURSE ON HOW TO FEEL GOOD HANGING OUT WITH AMERICANS WHEN YOU ARE THE ONLY IMMIGRANT IN THE GROUP:
https://shorturl.at/chyM2

Need my help?
SCHEDULE A QUICK CALL WITH ME:
https://app.simplymeet.me/lifecoachewelina

Chapters

• 0:00 Rebuilding Identity and Self-Trust After Divorce (17 Minutes)
• 17:22 Navigating Dating and Relationship Dynamics (12 Minutes)
• 29:24 Letting Go of Control in Relationships (17 Minutes)
• 46:21 Manifesting Love and Raising Frequency (8 Minutes)
• 53:54 Finding Love, Living Van Life (3 Minutes)

Transcript

00:00 - Ewelina (Host)
Hello, my friends. This is Ewelina  Life Coach for Immigrants, and you are about to hear an interview I did with a dear friend of mine Karolina Kolodziej. This is for all of you single women. It is for those of you who are super frustrated because you feel like there are no good men out there. It's really hard to date nowadays. Our other world is a reflection of our inner world. So today we're gonna talk about the personal reinvention that needs to happen before we meet the man of our dreams. We're going to cover what does it look like when you are building your identity and your self-trust after divorce? And my friend Karolina will tell you exactly what to do before you even consider putting yourself out there how to evaluate your previous relationships so that you don't end up repeating the same side just with another man. How to get to know yourself better so you end up attracting love through authenticity. So the guy that comes your way is perfect for you, right? Because you really know yourself and you've attracted him from that point of knowing yourself, knowing what you want. She tells us what to do when we are ready to start dating and what to do when we realize that we're not attracting the guy that we want. Yet what to do when you realize you're attracting low-quality men. And, of course, she also tells you what a low-quality man is like. What does that creature look like? What to watch out for. She tells us how to elevate our vibrational frequency through love and gratitude. 

01:47
We talk about masculine and feminine energies in relationship. Why allowing your partner to take charge, giving back courageously, is so important. Why we women make a real mistake when we're trying to do everything on our own and we're not asking for help and I know that a lot of immigrant women are guilty of this. We feel like we need to do it all, and that's a problem. If you're in that energy, it's almost impossible for you to attract him. And you know what? At the very end, she tells us her love story and whom she was able to attract thanks to all of the inner work she has done. That story is crazy. Amazing how specific she was and how the universe gave her exactly exactly what she asked. I'm excited for you to hear it. All right, friends, here we go. Kerlynka, welcome to the show. I'm so glad you are here. So first of all, tell us a little bit about yourself. I already told my listeners that you are a relationship coach, but tell us a little bit more. Tell us, what does it mean? Whom do you help? 

03:00 - Karolina (Host)
Thank you for having me. I'm so appreciate that I am a relationship and happiness coach. My IDI client is women after divorce, after a long marriage that fails, and she's now get ready for a new love. Okay, so what does she feel like? She feels like, first of all, she doesn't know who she is. After a long marriage, after, maybe, kids, she lost herself in the process of serving others. She lost completely herself. 

03:36 - Ewelina (Host)
So the first step is to come back to herself and recognize that she needs help with figuring out what she even likes. 

03:43 - Karolina (Host)
Yes, I would say this is the second step, like first step, to taking evaluation of her relationship that she just ended. Take time to think about what was good, because there was a good stuff happening that wasn't just bad. So again, all you try to do is good, what you want to recreate, what you want to keep. Think about what was bad, what was wrong, what you didn't like, what you for sure don't want to have in another relationship, what was missing, because probably there was something that was missing and just by being in relationship you could recognize that. Like something is missing and what do you want to have in your next relationship? Like put on car, on piece of paper, like what you're not going to tolerate anymore, what was missing, what has to happen in your next relationship, and what was good, like what you can celebrate, what you can send love to and acknowledge that was there was good parts as well and finding herself. I would say this is like it can start in the first step, but finding yourself is very important. 

04:59
After a long relationship, after a long marriage with kids, women will have tendency to lose ourselves in relationship, to do everything for our partners, for our kids, and we forget about ourselves. I remember myself when I went first grocery shopping, when my youngest daughter left home and I almost started crying in the grocery store when I realized that first time I can buy food just for me, that I don't have to think, okay, what she's going to eat. If she's not going to eat, then I will eat. And I didn't know the answer, what I want to buy. For so long I was buying groceries for my family. I didn't know what I want just for me, like this is just for me. 

05:59
That was a shock for me. So I started to learn about myself. What do I like? What kind of movie do I like? Music? Where do I want to go for vacation? How I want to spend my weekends? What do I want me, carolina? Not my family, not what is appropriate for my family, no, just for me. It took some time. It took some time to rewire this, to stop being in service for other but being in service for myself. That was a big step. 

06:36 - Ewelina (Host)
Yeah, and I'm thinking that even looking in the past, because that's like a lot of us will do this right. We'll be like, okay, this is what I used to like, but today we're a different person. So it's almost like you have to recreate yourself, not even go back, because you're an adult now. Like, let's say that you were married for 20 years that's a long time and you've become a different person. So you really help people, because so many of us are in this identity crisis. When we walk away from a long marriage, we don't know who we are anymore. So the first step is really establishing the foundation for yourself. That's really, really important work. I don't think a lot of people realize that, like, when you introduce yourself and you say I'm a relationship coach, is that one of the relationships that you fix is the relationship? 

07:27 - Karolina (Host)
to yourself. It's the only relationship that we have to fix with ourselves. We have to build this relationship because most likely I know, you know, this is the biggest percent of women we lost ourselves. We have to start trusting ourselves because we neglect ourselves for so long and now we don't trust ourselves. We said so many times I will walk away from this relationship. And we don't, I will do something nice for myself. And we don't because somebody else needs our help. And even our intuition is not working properly because we didn't listen. We had this voice and at some point, when we were overriding this, it stopped. Telling us is like, okay, you don't listen to me, that's fine, like I'm not going to tell you. And our intuition is our power. This is a very powerful tool for us. When we, on our own, we can start recreating a relationship with ourselves, we can start building trust. We lost. Most likely we lost this trust in ourselves. We didn't lose like we lost the trust in our previous partner, but the most painful trust that we lost is trust with ourselves. 

08:54 - Ewelina (Host)
Yeah, that you know, as I'm listening to it, it really correlates to what I do with my clients too. There is that element of self trust that we built to build self confidence. It's like one of the things that we do is what we focus on. What are the things that we want to shift for ourselves, things that we want to be doing on a daily basis and then giving it to ourselves right? And so it's like I make a decision and then I follow through, and so I'm building this trust within myself. 

09:24
But in the relationship dynamic, I can see how, without that, you could go in such a quick codependency, right? If you're like allowing other people's opinions or ideas to be the guiding voice for you and you're doing things against yourself, then that's part of the process of you losing yourself, right? So then there's that whole process of recreating the connection with yourself. So I'm assuming that that's what you do as well. Now we kind of jumped right into it. Can you tell me a little bit more about your story, because you seem to really understand ins and outs of it. So tell me, how come you? 

10:05 - Karolina (Host)
get it. I spent over 10 years learning personal development, spirituality. I was so dedicated. Every dollar I made, every minute I had. I was so dedicated to do this inner work. And what I realized? We are lacking understanding of feminine and masculine energy, the dynamic between women and men. There is so much problems because of miscommunication, misunderstanding. We don't know the other person needs. We cannot meet them, we cannot communicate with them the way that they're gonna receive it. So easy we get into fights that we don't have to get into. In those fights Like it's not necessary, like when, after my divorce, I spent first few years on healing, like I had a big trauma from my childhood. 

11:10
After years doing healing work, I decided that I am so done with this because I didn't see going ahead, like I was all still in the same place, I didn't evolve, I was still in pain emotionally, like even my body was breaking on me. That was awful, that was not a nice place to be. And year after year I was still in the same place and people were like you know those healers? They were saying, oh, this is another level of, only we have to drop it. And I was like, ok, I want to be happy. 

11:46
So I believe that I have to go through this process and everything changed when I dropped the, when I stopped focusing on the healing and I went directly after happiness. I was like I'm doing all of this work to be happy and I know where I'm still miserable. So I decided OK, I'm dropping the healing, I am done. This is. It's starting to look like I am abusing myself now, and I went after creating, you know, happiness, after raising my vibes, after entering the different levels of consciousness scale, and that was the time then everything shifted. 

12:32 - Ewelina (Host)
So during this whole time when you were trying to heal, was there therapy? Were you going to therapy or was it just different levels or different ways of feeling yourself, going through different courses, reiki, those kind of like holistic things? What were you doing specifically? 

12:51 - Karolina (Host)
I was doing everything there was. There was therapy on one on one and group therapy traditional and that was, you know, it had some benefits, like I understood what was happening, like I, I got understanding on my head level, like in my head, like it makes sense. I knew I was doing the things I was doing. So that was part of my healing, but mostly that was, like you said, reiki. I was going to see healers in Brazil, in Mexico, in Canada, us, like I was really doing you know, healing work. And then, after this healing work, I shifted to do personal development work, working on on me. Basically, that was like I was gaining this understanding of myself and I was appreciating myself. I stopped looking for what is wrong with me or what was during the healing process, what's wrong with me, where I can go next, what healer is going to fix me, and like nothing was happening. 

14:03
Right after I decided to look for what is good with me in personal development, I got empowered during those, those trainings, those years of trainings, and then I shifted. Then I was like, no, nothing wrong with me, I am fine, like I just need to, you know, build myself, but in loving way, not because something wrong with me and with this I was able to heal my trauma from my childhood, that big stuff that I was working on for like five years and was not happening. When I was in better state, my energy was, was in different place. I wasn't in this, you know dark smelly stuff. I was high, I was happy already. Then that was one sentence from my mentor and I dropped it, like I release, and first I was, I was checking on myself because in the past, when healing like I could show I couldn't feel the shift but it was recreating. 

15:14
Like now, I understand that I was still in this like in this vibe of low energy and when I was releasing it was getting back to me that it didn't go far because I was still there. I was still on this level of misery, you know, fear, depression and all this stuff was so close to me and I was trying to push away and with no time, like was back in. And when I went up on the scale, when I was like feeling cloth for myself, for the world around me, the gap there just created the gap between where I am and where the stuff from my childhood belongs and that there was like they don't belong to each other and it dropped. And when dropped, that was final. That was in 2021. So few years, like four years now, three years now, and it didn't get back. And that was the time when I was finally be able to use my knowledge from personal development, my understanding of feminine and masculine dynamics, and I created the most precious second marriage with my alpha men. 

16:40 - Ewelina (Host)
Yeah, there's as I'm listening to. We'll talk about it just a second. There's a few things that come to my mind because, like, as you're talking about different levels, I want the listeners to understand that this is about. We're talking about frequency and specific frequencies within our being. The different emotions create, right? So if we're focusing so much on I am not healthy yet I have to fix something within myself and we're focusing on the areas that we have to fix, that's what's stopping us from gaining a lot of power, right, because we're hanging out mentally and emotionally in the lower areas. 

17:14
There comes a time when therapy is not helpful anymore and when we're ready to move into personal development, because it is like we're ready, we fixed what we needed to fix. Now it's time to focus on the strengths. So your story just portrays it so well. But what comes to my mind also? It's like so you've shifted your mindset, you started, you shifted your focus. First of all, right, you started looking at what's right about you, what do you want, what is the experience that you want to have in your life and that in itself, created this whole opening, this and different frequency overall within you. So, like you said, the lower frequencies, lower thoughts, the lower feelings just naturally drop because there's such a high dissonance between the lower story, the sadness and all the emotions that were there, and the happiness that you've created for yourself. That's so. That's such a beautiful example of how powerful personal development can be. 

18:15
I know we talked about you giving us five steps to finding love after divorce, so why don't you give it to us? And then let's talk about your man, because I know you're in a happy, happy marriage and it's like that's one of the reasons why you're such an incredible coach because you have this, you're living. You are a walking example of the fact that we have this available to us, that we can have this incredible love after getting divorced. So let's go into the five steps to finding love after divorce if you don't mind. 

18:44 - Karolina (Host)
Yeah, sure. So first is this process of taking inventory what was left after our first, first marriage, like I said before, like what was good, what was bad, what was missing, what I'm not going to be tolerating anymore, what I want more of it. And second, very important part is to learning about yourself, finding yourself again after losing yourself in this long relationship, when we are in good place in our life, when we are not hating our ex-husband, when we are in peace with this, everything that happened, when we know who we are, what we want, what we like, what we don't like, then we can enter dating court, not before, not when we are still hating, not when we don't know who we are, what we want. We have to have, like, understanding what we're going to tolerate and what we want and then put the. Let's say, I put my profile on dating site and I was observing who is coming and first that was very low quality man and I was very disappointed. I was like, oh my gosh, it's not looking good, tell me, tell me, tell me. 

20:12 - Ewelina (Host)
Hold on, what's a low quality man? What does that look like? He? 

20:15 - Karolina (Host)
does not commit. He's just there to play with you, to go you know booty calls to go just have fun. No responsibility, no connection. This is very serfence connection. This is just about having fun, but you still don't have somebody that you can lean on, that can have your back. You are still alone. You are just going for dates and you have fun, but later you are coming back home and you are still alone. You are still on your own and even is like with time there is like a big hole inside you and you go with those men because you are trying to give something and it's not received and you are not getting anything from them. There's no connection, no energy exchange. The hearts are closed. This is just about our badness and with time it gets like very quickly old and you just don't want to be there. They are not on those sides to create healthy, strong, committed relationship. So that was my first experience and when you find yourself in the situation that you'll see like there is no good men exist, like you cannot see them. This is the time when you have to get back. Don't stay on this dating site. You are not ready yet. Sorry to disappoint you, but you are not ready yet. 

21:51
If you don't see good men, they don't exist on your frequency level. They do exist but you cannot see them. You can see just men that are on your energy level. And I know it seems you know awful and unfair that you are like. You are a good person who just want to love and be loved back. And why you don't see good men? Because you are still in the field when there is a lot of hurt, a lot of shame, guilt. This is low vibrational field. This is not where those healthy masculine men function. They don't live there. They already know who they are. They got the stuff together and they are higher on the frequency level. They know that they wanna commit that long-term relationship. They don't wanna play. They know how their energy is precious, how their time is precious. They're not gonna waste this time with you know, dating for a weekend only. 

23:04 - Ewelina (Host)
Yeah. So what comes to my mind is also this like you're looking for something very specific, right, and you help your clients determine what it is that they're looking for, but then, like, if that committed man that is supposed to have all this love for you, it's not gonna be really able to give it to you because you don't hold yourself in that high frequency of love, then it's impossible for the two of you to match. Yes, because even if you two meet, you will repel him Different levels. 

23:39 - Karolina (Host)
You can even go for a date with alpha, healthy men and after a date he will think to heal himself. Like she seems to be nice, like everything looks okay, but there is not it, this is not it. This something is off. And he's not gonna be wasting his time. When something is off, he's not gonna be digging and trying to figure out. No, he's moving on. 

24:03
Got a question what's an alpha man? Healthy alpha, because we can have toxic alpha men and we can have healthy alpha men. This is the man who wants to protect and do everything for his woman. He just wanted to be appreciated. This is not transactional relationship. Healthy alpha man will do everything for the woman he loves. He will provide for her. He's gonna be her protector, her leader, and you have to be healthy to receive this leadership. He wants to commit a relationship. He's not gonna be looking around for other women. He has his woman, he knows what he has. He's not gonna be risking losing her and he wants to protect, take her, provide for her. There is no need for fighting, no need for playing games. No, this is very harmonious relationship If you are a healthy feminine woman and you get healthy masculine alpha man. 

25:15 - Ewelina (Host)
Let's talk about the healthy, feminine woman, because they're not that common anymore, right? 

25:20 - Karolina (Host)
Yes, yes, it's so easy to get in our masculine energy when we are on our own. We have to pay our bills, we have to make money, so it gets us in position in doing Like we have. Look at this like masculine energy is doing Feminine energy is being so when we are on our own. We have to do so many things, we have to do so many things and we need this energy and it's beautiful that we have access to this energy. We can go ahead, we can have good business, good career. We need it Like it's so powerful. But often we so get to used to be in this energy that we are forgetting how to be loving, kind, nourishing and we need to think how to be in our feminine energy. And I was saying that get tired in your masculine energy, but drop this masculine energy, get into your feminine and relax. You know those, those babs, those going to the spa. This is not wasting our time and our energy. This is really important. Like this what, what do you say? Baths? 

26:47 - Ewelina (Host)
like we get to take baths. Your clients get to take baths when they talk to you, yes, yes, and I need pictures. 

26:53 - Karolina (Host)
I need proof. I don't trust them. Like I want to see a picture. Like, send it to me, I did. I'm like awesome relationship but I'm still taking care of me, of my energy. Like I am responsible for my happiness, my energy, not my husband, he's just my partner. Like I love to spend time with him but I am taking care of myself and I. I got flowers from my mentor, not from my men, and I created the best bath ever. Like I put some essential oils to my bath epsom salt. I had some candles around glass of wine and I put those. You know that was 12 white roses. I separated them. Like I have the paddles that I put in my bath and that was the most awesome bath ever I'm gonna remember this for so long, but I take care of myself. 

27:58
I don't need him to do this. He's taking care about other stuff about our finances, about, like, providing for our lives, but I don't need him to run and do a bath for me. This is not necessarily the masculine energy. This is feminine, this is nurturing, but I am nurturing myself. In this moment there is someone. I'm nurturing him, but I have to remember about myself too. 

28:24 - Ewelina (Host)
Yeah, and when you nurture yourself, then you actually have the energy to give to him and he wants the energy of nurturance right, like that is the energy that you wanna be and as you're interacting with him. This makes me think about something that I have done with a friend of mine where we went to the mall. We're just sitting having coffee and we're just looking around, and we've actually done it in the US and we've done it in Poland. So it wasn't just here in the US, it was both places. We were looking at how women are dressed, just at what they're wearing. Are they feminine looking or are they masculine looking? And I kid you, not 99% of them were wearing pants. Did they just look masculine? They all looked masculine. Not only that they didn't have dresses on and stuff like that, because you can be wearing pants and still be feminine but even the energy that they were moving in was in calm, graceful, relaxed. It was all about this action. 

29:21
Right, I gotta go get it done, and I'm so guilty of this. I totally get it. It's almost like we have to go backwards, or even some of us, and I can totally. I can totally see this in my life. I have to learn it, like I have to learn how to be feminine with a man overall, because the only way that comes to my mind that I could be feminine is if I'm taking care of him, right, and that's nurturing, which is part of it. But that's not it, that's not all of it, because then we could step into the mother relationship, like being like a mother and mothering too much. That they don't want. That that's not what an alpha man wants, right, they don't want a mother. If it's a partner, it can show some love from some time in that flavor of nurturance, but not too much of it, I'm assuming yeah, they gotta be appreciated. 

30:15 - Karolina (Host)
They wanna our kindness and our softness, but they don't wanna our mothering. They don't wanna our do this, do that Like, why so slow? You have to do this faster. This is not good enough. They don't wanna this. We are getting into. Mothering energy is masculine energy. Mother energy like the kindness, softness, like talking about feelings and nurturing our kids this is feminine energy. But mothering that you do your homework, that you clean your room, this is masculine energy. And even with our kids, we are losing this. Like we are using just our masculine energy and it's needed. But what about balance? Like let's balance this with having fun and with stopping criticizing like that Something is not at our standards. And we do the same with our husbands and we do the same with our mothers as well. We are mothering everybody, our friends, everybody, so Guilty. 

31:24 - Ewelina (Host)
Totally guilty. 

31:26 - Karolina (Host)
Absolutely. 

31:27 - Ewelina (Host)
Totally guilty, so okay. So what comes to my mind is this like, if we're gonna step into feminine energy to be able to attract not only that alpha man we want, right, but to kind of like establish foundation for that next relationship so that we do not go into masculine energy when we are actually with our alpha male. What are some of the things? Like you've mentioned baths already, right, taking care of yourself that way but what are some other things that we can be doing to make sure that we remain in femininity and we don't shift into the masculine energy too much? 

31:59 - Karolina (Host)
When we were dating, we needed a home to rent over the Airbnb and I let him choose the home to rent the home for us and it took him so much longer than I would do, but he wanted to do it. He wanted to provide for me, so I just let him. I didn't fight with him, I didn't try to prove him that I can find a better home at a better price. No, I just let him do. And when we were entering this home, he felt like a man, like he wasn't just the person going with suitcases behind my back, because he knew how to open this home. He got the communication with Airbnb hosts, he was in charge and it gave him so much power and he was so happy. When he saw me happy, I didn't go and like this is not the color of sofa I would prefer. Like I was happy we have to decide. Like if we wanna do this on our own, I could like I had another choice. I could decide that I'm gonna do my way, I'm gonna choose everything with my liking, but then he would be just the person that follows me. I would go in my masculine energy, not with my feminine energy. I dropped it. I was provided for. He provided this and I received and I was appreciating and I didn't complain. 

33:34
I was happy and, like I had the client, she said that her husband and her they fight when they are packing car. They fight with themselves who is better, like, who is better at packing car. And they, you know, like, put this way, not this. And I said, just let him do this. You go and take your bath, you go and take a book, make yourself cup of coffee, like. Let him do it. 

34:04
Let him use you know men, they like use their problem solving skills. Let him. This is how he shows you love, this is how he provides for you. He's doing, you know, mainly job for you. Why to try to fight with him? This is like two masculine energies and they're gonna, you know, like two roosters. No, this is not harmony, this is not nice. Like you're gonna get in fight packing the freaking car instead of letting him do his job on his timeline. He can take whatever time he wants and you go and do your stuff, relax, just be with yourself and later come back to him and say, oh my gosh, thank you, thank you, honey, and he's you know, everybody's happy on the end. Sounds lovely. 

35:09 - Ewelina (Host)
Like it makes me think about all the situations in my past marriage when I was doing that exact thing. You're saying not to when yeah, we were going places. Now, be the one choosing the hotel and I'll be the one doing all those things. And then I think about the recent situation when I was with a friend of mine and who's the other dynamic right and how that went, that sense of pride that he had a chance to experience. That I did not pay attention to in a moment, but now that I think of it, yeah, it was definitely there, because that was like he got to do something, he got to provide, he got to take care of this for me and I just to come in and receive, oh, it's my an appreciation, it's my an appreciation. I'm like, oh my Lord, that was so lovely. And it's like I'm stopping myself in my life from receiving that much goodness because I'm trying to do what exactly? Have it my way Prove? 

36:09 - Karolina (Host)
that you are stronger, better for all. Yeah, for what? I think? What is your priority in your life? My priority is my happy marriage with my men, and I will not relax in my feminine energy. And this is it. I felt guilty on the beginning. I didn't understand. He was trying to provide and I was pushing and I wanted to give him something. He was giving me one thing. I was trying to give him something to compensate, basically to pay for it, and this is something that they don't want. They want to provide. When we are trying to pay for it, it's like we're not receiving. If we do like transaction, oh, yeah, I see. 

36:55 - Ewelina (Host)
So I'm trying to think now what are some of the ways that that might happen? And then right For us women from Eastern Europe specifically, is it that, I don't know, he does something nice, so then I either pay or I make food and give, give, give, give, give Right, and then you can give her. 

37:21 - Karolina (Host)
She can do something for you and you can give him food in two different ways. You can do as a masculine energy with paying him for his service on. You can see this like nourishing the, the man that did something for you, this, but it has to come from different place, not the okay, okay, he is going to do this for me. Then I have to pay him. I have to know I want to give him, I want to nourish him, I want to show him my appreciation. Can you see, like there's definitely, yeah, definitely there is a big difference and it's received, because they can feel this is, you know, basically paying me with, with your money or with your meal, or paying with your appreciation. You can be both ways in masculine and feminine energy. 

38:21 - Ewelina (Host)
That's fascinating too, right, because we would think that, like, okay, cooking food and being nurtured that way it's. It's femininity Not necessarily depends what flavor it's in there. What's the intention underneath? That's fascinating. Can you think of other things that we women do that appear to be feminine but can be done? 

38:39 - Karolina (Host)
in masculine energy. We often find ourselves doing everything on our own and we don't ask for help. Like I had a funny situation with my husband when I was busy with my bath and I sent him to the grocery store, start to buy a duck I wanted to make to prepare duck for for dinner and he came back with pork shoulder. So I had two choices. I could tell, like, I could say like, oh my gosh, like I cannot. You know, I cannot even send you to buy a duck. You are coming with pork shoulder. What is wrong with you? Like their dinner is ruined and you suck, I'm never, ever going to ask you for help. And I didn't do this. I said, oh, pork shoulder, that's great. So we are going to have pork shoulder for dinner and we have still. You know, we had still great dinner and we were laughing. And I have a story now to tell. And he didn't feel like an idiot that he cannot, you know, see the difference between duck and pork shoulder. He wanted to do this on his own, without calling me and saying, hmm, I cannot find the duck. Where do you think the duck is in the store. He made the decision and I was okay with the decision. 

40:03
It doesn't matter to me if I'm going to be eating duck or if I'm going to eat pork shoulder. The atmosphere, the love, the kindness is what matters to me, and we often complain that men don't help us with housework. Imagine that he asking you to go to buy some in hardware store and you bring something wrong. You don't know. You, just you know, didn't know which screw to choose. You bring three or you bring the wrong one and he's, you know, complaining, yelling, making problem about this. What the chances you will want to go next time to do this shopping for him? You are not interested. Like, go do this yourself. And same with men. Like it doesn't matter, I can eat pork shoulder, I wanted to have a duck for dinner, yeah, but we have to choose what is the most important for us. 

41:05 - Ewelina (Host)
Yeah, and it's like, as I'm listening to you, I'm thinking it's making decision ahead of time. What is important? How am I going to act? I'm going to react Right and, yes, the values of it all are pretty much like a compass right, Like this direction. At the end of the day, this relationship, how it unfolds, it's the most important. Not that, if I'm right, not if you did something wrong. What happens from this point? How am I loving him? How am I showing up here? It sounds like so much more of a power spot versus us reacting, you know, just reacting to what other people do as deciding ahead of time. That's really, really awesome. 

41:47
Okay, hold on, tell me, we went through the process a little bit and I kind of want to go back to it, so I think we stopped where we were talking about how you would go first. First, you would decide on whom you like, do the evaluation of your marriage. Then you create the sense of yourself and you really create a new foundation for yourself. You look at what you like, what don't you like, those kind of things. You create a different relationship of yourself and then you're ready to go. You create the profile on the dating site and then you go and you check who comes to you. So let's talk about the moment when you go, you check and then whomever comes your way, it's not your match, because I think that's where we stopped. 

42:36
A lot of guys are not a lot At certain levels. Some women experience this comeback of the male that they don't want, the guys that are not really into a serious relationship. So what do you do from that point on? When you show up, you put yourself out there and then what comes back? It's not what you want. What would you advise? 

42:56 - Karolina (Host)
at that moment. At that moment, use it as a very, very powerful feedback. Use it as a sign that you are not ready yet. Take your profile down. Don't stay there. Don't stay with hope that somebody is going to show up. Just say, month or two, you are on and this is just going down. It's not good at all. Don't stay there with hope that something is going to happen. Remove your profile. Go back to nurturing, to taking care of yourself. Feel your own cup of love. Raise your vibration. Go to the next consciousness level. Work for four, six, eight weeks on yourself. Be dedicated. This is what you want. 

43:51
Then, when you feel like, okay, I am stable, I am stronger, now Go and create another profile, new picture. Don't save, don't be. Keep with your energy. Do from scratch, from your new vibe. Then again and see what is happening. You are going to see different kinds of men. If there are still like a little better, but not where you want to be. Repeat this again. Finally, you are going to find your man and you don't have to lower your standard. 

44:28
So many times I hear like oh, maybe I want to match from relationship, maybe I am too fast. First of all, think about if you are the match for the kind of man that you want. Is your dream man dreaming about you? If you are the kind of woman, if you are emotional, stable, if you are loving your life, if you are full of love and kindness, if you have those qualities and if you find, be very honest with yourself. And if you are not there, work on this first. By this, you are going to become match for your dream man. 

45:07
You cannot have just expectations. What qualities he is supposed to have? What do you want from men? But to look from his perspective, am I the woman that this kind of man will want? Is he dreaming about me? If yes, great. If not, go back to work. This is something that you can work on. Very, very, very important is emotional and intelligence, like we can keep our emotions intact. Don't let those triggers run your life, not needing him to fill this, you know, black hole in our heart. Our heart has to be full of love, happy. 

45:55 - Ewelina (Host)
Then we can attract this kind of man, you know what I'm thinking to myself that, regardless of right, if you attract him or not, you're going to have to be full of love and appreciation for your life already. Like this is like just do the work for yourself, because it's such a better spot than looking back at your past and feeling powerless because this doesn't go well, this doesn't go well, that doesn't go well. Now I know that you have a course where you help to raise the vibration right. You help women that have maybe been in a situation where they have been on a dating side and they're very, very frustrated because they feel like they are not seeing the men that they would like to see and they don't meet the quality men. So you actually take your clients for the process of going up. Can you tell us more about that? 

46:47 - Karolina (Host)
This is the process for women that don't have much time Like when can they don't have too much time to dedicate to their growth. It's called activating love. It's activating love and gratitude. Vibration in your body, like love and gratitude, is on the same level we all heard about. You know we have to be grateful, thankful for the stuff that we have already in order to attract more of the stuff Like love, of attraction, and so many of us are writing down that. You know every day, at the end of the day, like 10 things I was grateful for. 

47:30
But if you are not doing this with vibration, we this is still on the head level. This is like therapy is just on the. You know, on the head level. To raise vibration, we have to directly work on our vibration. So this is the process when where we go into vibration of love, of gratitude, and we stay as long as possible, like I love, do this practice right before going to sleep, because whatever vibration now filled we're going to put ourselves before falling in sleep. We're going to keep this vibration through the whole night During the. 

48:12
When we do this during the day is it has benefits as well, but during the day is so easy. You know something going to happen. It's so easy to bump you out of this of this vibe, but at night, last thing before sleep, go in this vibe, go to bed. And I do. And yeah, I have a mantra that I am repeating in bed to myself to to don't let thinking about what is going to happen tomorrow, what I'm going to be cooking for dinner, Like I don't let myself bump out of this of this vibe. So I am repeating this mantra and it's getting boring very fast and I am falling in sleep and I am just like with the whole night. It's so easy, it's so easy to be in, you know, in worry, stress, energy. 

49:02
We go there without you know, our. We don't have to do anything about this. It's so easy to get into this. If we want to raise our frequency, we have to consciously choose it and we have to put the work into into it. And night is, you know, the best time to do it, because then the the, the whole night is where you are growing this piece of you, that, when is responsible for your love and the gratitude vibration. 

49:37 - Ewelina (Host)
That sounds really amazing and it doesn't sound like such a huge effort, really. Like because naturally we fall asleep right. So like, if this can come, if this can become a thing that we do every night, I can totally see how it would impact so much more over the days later on, because you get to spend so much more time in that vibration. This is like you said. And then during the day we have all these different situations, different stimulants, different thoughts that come to our mind. Our brain is more active, so it makes all the sense in the world to be doing this at night. So tell me, how can someone sign up for this? How can they find you, when they can find you? What's the cost all of it? Tell me, because that sounds incredible. 

50:17 - Karolina (Host)
I invite you to my profile on Facebook. I don't do Instagram, I do Facebook. My name is Karolina Koalje. We're going to put some link to my profile and to to message me there. This group is private. You cannot find it. I have to invite you. And the other thing amazing about doing this in group when we work on our energy together, the energy is stronger. It's not like when two women are working on the same. It's like the power of three women is is getting multiplied, so this is like more women are working on your dream as well and on your vibrational field. Yeah, you have to contact me to get an invitation to do this. 

51:11 - Ewelina (Host)
I love it. It's a, it's like a special thing. It's not that easy. So, yeah, what we're going to do is we're going to put the link in the description of the show, the link to your Facebook profile, and then, if someone is interested, they send you a private message. Is this what happens? Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. How much does it cost to work with you, like on this? 

51:33 - Karolina (Host)
Um, I do private coaching as well, one on one, and it's a 2,222 for three months package. But this activating cloth project is just $33 per month and you get, you know the, the practice, understanding of practice. You get understanding of feminine and masculine energy on life, real life examples Many people are talking about. But it's, you know, be feminine, but what the heck that means? Right, like there is, like we know that we have to be more feminine, but we want it Right. 

52:13 - Ewelina (Host)
Sorry to interrupt you, but I think we confuse it. We're like like I was thinking, okay, if I'm cooking, then I'm feminine. 

52:19 - Karolina (Host)
Not necessarily All depends who you are when you are cooking. If you are, you know, because you have to and you are doing this, or because you, you want to, you, you put love in it and yeah, all right. 

52:36 - Ewelina (Host)
So tell me I know everybody wants to know, because you have an incredible man by your side how did you guys meet? Tell me quickly, before we end your love story. I know every listener wants to know. Okay, because you met him how did you meet? 

52:48 - Karolina (Host)
them. I was a truck driver, but I was a very feminine truck driver and I was so spoiled I had, you know, like my employees, my coworkers, like at customers. I was very spoiled because I was leading with my feminine energy and they loved it. I give them guys on the. I was crossing border US and Canada and I've even, you know, those very strict officers on the on the border. They were like I get compliments and this is not that you know I have perfect body. No, I'm just, you know, kind, loving, and, and I know that this is my power, so I lead from this space. I put the dating profile on Polish hearts. I knew that I want to have a Polish guy. I'm from Poland, right? 

53:44 - Ewelina (Host)
I just left it there. 

53:45 - Karolina (Host)
I put a few pictures. You know this little of description about me because men don't read, so don't waste your time. But you have to put something you know the best is like you know PowerPoint, something easy to read, not like long paragraph. You're gonna lose him. So very short and sweet, few pictures and leave it like that. 

54:12
I didn't go to other men profiles, I didn't send like hi, nothing. I was there, I put myself there, I gave this signal that I am a viable. And my husband? He messaged me, he sent me his phone number and this how it started, sounds easy. It sounds so easy. Yeah, and I was living my life. 

54:37
I didn't, you know, that wasn't my focus. I knew, I always knew that I want to create healthy relationship with masculine men. I knew that I worked so much on myself and it took me so many years. But you don't have to do those years Like. You can speed up this process, use my knowledge how to, because I learned so much during the process and I know what worked for me and I know what works for other people. So you can speed up this process. But it took me so long, but when I finally got at the point that I was happy with myself, I was taking care of myself. 

55:14
I put this profile and I was still living my life. I wasn't checking like, oh my gosh, did somebody saw my profile? No, I was just waiting for. You know, I was getting notification that somebody sent me a message. And if somebody sent me, you know you can send like smiles or a rose Forget you, I'm not even bad, no, or like, you know, stupid message. If you cannot put one sentence, you know correct sentence. I'm not going to waste my time on you. Okay. So I have a question how did you know that it's him? 

55:53
I was manifesting already something, something different. I wanted to have one life. I love to live on the road. I realize how much freedom it is like when you have just one spoon, one fork, one bowl, one cup for coffee. There's so much freedom in very few essential pieces that you have with you. And I wanted to have one life, to be able to, you know, live on the, on the road. And I am. 

56:29
I'm going to be 50 this year, and so I was looking for men my age, little older than me, and Polish men, and they are very special kinds of men. They're not very easygoing men and I was like I didn't have much hope that I'm going to meet men and be able to go and live the van life. This is not something that Polish men do at this age. And when I had this, this dream, that I want to have Mercedes sprinter then and I am able to live on the road, make money on the road, but I didn't know how, how I'm going to be making money. I couldn't afford to buy a sprinter, so I was just doing my thing. But I was dreaming. I was watching like YouTube videos, thinking like what layout I would like, and when Piotr contacted me and when he said what he's doing, I just couldn't believe it. He was living on the road, driving Mercedes sprinter, making money on the road. 

57:44
I was like you know those thoughts like how I'm going to convince my men to go and live the van life with me. He came with everything. Okay, he came like I like. 

58:00 - Ewelina (Host)
I love it. Oh my gosh, it's like the world was preparing him for you and you for him, and that's how you knew it's him, because you were very specific. 

58:10 - Karolina (Host)
Very specific. There was this instant connection. We could talk for hours. That was so easy and effortlessly and it was just slowly. We felt like we knew each other and because we were driving I was driving truck and he was driving sprinter we had so many hours to talk during the day, like while driving. So, yeah, it was awesome. 

58:39 - Ewelina (Host)
I love it. I love it so much. Well, thank you for joining me. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. I really appreciate you being here. I'm just so thrilled that you do this work and that there are people, there are women, that gets to do this right. Our world gets better, the whole world gets better, when we love who we are, but then we get to share it and we get to create sustainable relationships. That's so important for our society. It's so important for us overall, for our happiness, but also for the strength of our civilization, for the strength of our society. It's very, very important that we have family units, and the romantic relationship is at the base of it. So you have such an important mission and I'm so glad that you're doing it, and thank you so much for coming and sharing your wisdom here. 

59:29 - Karolina (Host)
Thank, you for having me. Thank you. 

59:32 - Ewelina (Host)
Okay, my lovely friends, I hope you have enjoyed it. Look for Karolina's info in the description of this show. Before I let you go, I have just a few more things of business. If you're an immigrant and you have not taken my free course yet, what are you waiting for, seriously, what are you waiting for? It's an out of the comfortable hanging out with Americans when you are the only immigrant in the group. It's gonna happen. If it hasn't happened yet, it will happen. 

01:00:02
I want for you to have the skills, everything that you need, everything that's necessary to feel comfortable around Americans, so that you're not stressed and you're not hiding who you are and you don't feel shame and you don't feel insignificant. But if you're confident and you feel strong in that room, you feel like you can take space and speak up if necessary and just talk, talk to people and feel comfortable. You have every single right to be in that space, emotionally and mentally, and I tell you exactly how to get there. So if you need help with this because you are stressed out when you go out there and you meet Americans, that course will solve that for you. Okay, all right. So for those of you who are Polish and women, I want to remind you that we have Pogaduha na emigracie, which is our meeting online, where we meet twice a month and we talk about our life here in the US, the struggles and the joys of immigration. If you have a need to connect with an online Polish community, I hope you will join us. It's a newer project of mine, but I absolutely love how it's unfolding. I love these conversations we have online. It's fascinating to hear all the different stories, all the different perspectives. There's so much wisdom and you know what, when I was especially in the very beginning of my journey here in the US, this would have been absolutely priceless for me to have Absolutely priceless. So if you are someone that feels like there's no one that understands you, right, it's gotta be lonely because the people in your home country don't get it, people here don't understand, because you don't have a lot of immigrants around you and you just feel like you're all alone. With all of that, there is a Polish community waiting for you to join and it will be supportive of your journey. And also, okay, I have some exciting projects. 

01:02:12
So there are courses for immigrant women on confidence. Okay, that's coming. That will be paid. It will not be free. First one will be in Polish. It's called Cilnopolka na Emigracie. It's pretty much ready. I'm just preparing workbook and with that there will be also a Polish podcast, which is so exciting. I cannot wait to launch it and to share this knowledge in Polish language. Just because who I am and how much fun I have speaking to you in English and, trust me, in Polish it will be I'm sure you get it right. When you speak your native tongue, it's different, it's a different energy. You feel more comfortable, so I cannot wait to be recording podcasts in Polish language. That's really exciting for me. And, yes, along with that, there will be a course called Cilnopolka na Emigracie and that will be a paid course, but it's gonna be on developing self-confidence and developing that inner strength. I am also going to be preparing a course like that in English so that the rest of you who are not Polish will also have access to this knowledge and and and. And I want to remind you that I have a one-on-one practice where you can hire me for individual sessions. 

01:03:31
This is where you get my attention 100%. We focus on your life. So if you are an immigrant female and you feel like life is okay, but it could be thousand times better, because this immigrant journey has been difficult and you felt confident and strong in your home country. But here in the US, even though you have faced a lot of struggles, you do feel kind of strong, but in the same time, you feel like you cannot pull that strength out of you in the daily situations here in the US. It's like you're strong but you're not. 

01:04:07
I want to invite you to consider having a consultation with me because I can help you. I have had honor to help many, many, many immigrant women with building their inner strength, where they just feel very solid within and they know that doesn't matter what happens, they will be okay. I'm talking about you investing in yourself, things that you probably have never even considered doing, but I believe there's nothing more important and the money is never better spent than investing in yourself. So schedule A consultation with me. This is where you and I talk online. You tell me what the problem is, I tell you if I can help and, if I was to help you, how I would do that, and that's when we talk about all the logistics of it as well. Alright, my friends, I will talk to you next time. Bye.