From anxiety to confidence. How to network well as an immigrant in The United States.

You are an immigrant living in The United States. You need to network but the idea of going to a place you’ve never been to, meeting strangers, talking to them about your business, terrifies you.

I know the feeling.  

It doesn’t have to be so hard. 

What if you could turn your nerves into networking success? 

As immigrants we face unique challenges when it comes to networking, but these hurdles can be overcome with strategic approaches. 

I offer practical tips to ease the nerves, manage self-perception and assumptions about others. 

We explore the dynamics between the lower brain and the prefrontal cortex.  

Listen to this episode to find out how to create meaningful connections and make networking fun. 

To join our Facebook Group "Pogaduchy na Emigracji" click here:
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Chapters

• 0:00 (00:00) - Networking for Immigrants in the US
• 10:13 Overcoming Networking Challenges for Immigrants
• 16:57 Mastering Networking Mindset for Immigrants
• 25:31 Empowering Immigrant Women

Transcript

00:00 - Life Coach for Immigrants Ewelina  (Host)
Hello, my friends, this is Ewelina, Life Coach for Immigrants. We are going to talk today about why is it so hard to network when you are an immigrant living in the United States and how to make it easier. But before I get going, I want to explain to you what networking is, because it's not that common in Europe. I've never seen any networking meetings in Europe when I lived there. But there are a lot of you out there, immigrant business owners, that are trying to find more clients, grow your business, and knowing a lot of people really makes a big difference. Meeting people makes a big difference, right, expanding your network and building relationships. So that's what networking actually really is. It's a meeting, and sometimes it's a structured meeting. Sometimes it's not. If that's what networking actually really is, it's a meeting, and sometimes it's a structured meeting. Sometimes it's not. If it's structured, it has someone that is leading the meeting. There's an agenda and an order of things. When there is an agenda, oftentimes you will have time. You'll have an opportunity to speak about what you do for a living, what kind of clients are you looking for, and that is pretty short. Typically it's 30 seconds or a minute, although there are some meetings where organizers don't really measure time and you can just speak until you finish, but you definitely want to have that clear in mind before you go to a structured networking meeting. Now, sometimes it's what's called open networking and this is where you just go to a particular place and you are free just to mingle and chat with people and exchange business cards. But yes, networking means that you are going to go out there and you're going to meet people. You're going to meet Americans and maybe other immigrants, and that is unnerving. Just the idea of going out there and meeting people is just stressful. So we're going to talk today about why is that? Well, first of all, when you're going to a networking event, oftentimes you will be in a place where you've never been before and you are going to meet strangers that you've never met before. 

02:11
Right? To the lower part of your brain. This is terrifying. The lower part of the brain does not like it. It will point out to you everything that is going wrong, because all it knows is this this is unfamiliar territory. You could die here. So, in its effort to protect you, the lower part of the brain will be bringing up loud and clear thoughts pointing out what is wrong and why you should leave. 

02:44
This is 100% normal and it's to be expected, and because thoughts create feelings. This is why we get nervous, right? Because if we have thoughts like gosh I don't know anyone here you're going to feel nervous, you're going to feel uncertain. Or if you're thinking to yourself I've never been here before, I don't know where to go. If you're thinking to yourself I've never been here before, I don't know where to go right, that's also uncertainty. 

03:10
So how do we make this easier? First of all, please do not ever expect yourself not to be nervous. You are most likely going to be when you're going to a networking meeting. This is normal. It's not a reason to panic. You could think to yourself I am nervous and that's okay. I'm meeting strangers in a place I've never been before. Of course I'm nervous. I don't have to talk to everyone. I can just speak to a few people. 

03:47
So you really want to treat this whole thing like an experiment with curiosity, and you also want to be evaluating when you get home. You want to be asking questions what went well, what didn't go well and what do I want to do differently when you are done networking, also want to ask whom do I want to reach out for one-on-one meeting Now. When you go to these meetings, be mindful and do not be super ambitious. Don't expect yourself to say hi to everyone. Let your intuition guide you. Pay attention to whom do you naturally feel drawn to? Choose one or two people that you actually want to talk to, and remember also that if the conversation doesn't flow easily, just move on. Don't torture yourself. 

04:26
If you have a tendency to be a pretty shy person, if you do not like talking about yourself, the best idea I can give you is to ask a lot of questions. Listen more than you speak. People love talking about themselves. I'm going to give you a few really good questions you could ask what brings you here? What do you do? How long have you been in this industry? Do you have any crazy customer stories? How long have you lived in this area? Do you go to any other networking meetings? 

05:05
Now, when you ask a lot of questions, people are happy to answer, but you're also showing interest and you know, a lot of times when you go to these networking meetings, people show up with a similar agenda, right? So find the client, and we have this tendency to assume that if we go there to find a client. We have to tell everybody what we do and maybe someone will be interested in us, maybe someone will be interested in what we have to sell. But really think about it a little bit differently. Think about it that you're going there to meet a friend, that you're going to expand your network, provide value ahead of time, which sometimes providing value is listening. 

05:51
You know we go through life crazy busy and so many of us are in this continuously giving mode where we pay attention to other people and we do not pay attention to ourselves. So when someone asks us questions and shows true, genuine interest in us, that feels actually really good to our ego and the natural thing to do is also, when you ask a lot of questions, the person who is telling you a lot of things about themselves, they're gonna naturally feel like they want to reciprocate, like they want to find out more about you. But you definitely will stand out if you ask a lot of questions, because it's a very different energy from majority of how other people network and you do want to stand out in somebody's mind for sure, because when you really think about it, especially in the open networking meetings, when you go to those meetings where there's no agenda, you're gonna have a lot of people chatting with each other for just a little bit here and there, and oftentimes you know what happens when they go home they take the business cards and they toss them in the trash. There are people who network consciously and on purpose and they really utilize it successfully, and there are those people who just show up and don't really continue on networking. So this is why it's important. Let me tell you the next part, because you go, you meet these people and then the next part is to make sure that you actually follow through and continue on building relationships with the people that stroke your interest and that you would like to speak more with right, because oftentimes when you go to networking meeting, you will just speak for a moment. So you definitely want to go to a networking meeting with an idea of okay, I am here to meet a few people and I am also here to schedule meeting after a meeting. I want to make sure that we either meet virtually or we meet in person, but I have a chance to sit down with this another human being that I feel drawn to. You know, it was easy for me to talk with this person and I feel like we vibe in a similar way and it's very comfortable. I want to get to know this person better. I love building networking that way, because this is what confirms this whole idea I'm going there to meet a new friend, you see. So I end up having a lot of friends. 

08:20
Now, when I have moved here to Florida back in 2021, I was in the need of networking a lot. I knew I will be walking away from my remote job and I will need to build my coaching practice, so I was really networking a lot and I had a chance to practice it a lot. This is why I know what I'm talking about. Another thing that I actually did is here in Sarasota. I ended up opening a chapter of one of my favorite groups called Revenue Generating Activities RGA Network. This is a group that's mostly in Tampa area. There's a lot of meetings. It's a really amazing network of people, and I ended up because I was driving to Tampa and you know north of Sarasota a lot. I've decided that I'm done driving, I just need to open my own meeting, and so what ended up happening is that I've been running this meeting for two years. I've committed a lot of my time, a lot of my energy, to growing it, and then eventually I had someone else take it over and now we're opening another chapter tomorrow. So it's exciting. 

09:27
But you see, what ended up happening here is that because I have committed myself to networking, I have grown my network quite a bit right. I have a lot of friends as a result of it, and many of you have no idea that I am actually pretty introverted. I am not a person that's like always out there and always talking and always having fun. That's not me. I have a really solid introvert inside of me where I need to spend a lot of time alone and I love to spend time by myself. But these networking meetings have been really beneficial when it comes to getting me out of the house and I have some fun and, in the same time, I'm doing something really good for my business. And so, like I've practiced it a lot. Okay, I have practiced networking a lot. I will continue to practice networking. 

10:13
It's one of my favorite ways of growing my business and I want to make sure that you are aware of it. And I'm also going to give you all different kinds of tips, because it's not that natural of a thing right when we're going to a meeting and we are talking to people we have never met. For us immigrants, it's a terrifying idea. And then, on top of it, you're supposed to get up and speak in front of everyone. I remember when this is the first time that I went to a networking meeting and I did not know that there is such a thing that you're supposed to get up and speak, and then you know, we started going around the room and speaking. I was like, oh my gosh, I have no idea what I'm going to say. I was extremely uncertain. I got up and I said something, but I'm sure it could have been done a thousand times better. Basically, I did not have any self-confidence in the time. I was very uncertain even though I knew what I'm selling and why I'm selling it, and I love the products. I was very much so insecure about myself in that position and I'm sure that people could tell. So I want to give you all different kinds of tools to make sure that not only you go to a networking meeting, but you fall in love with it. If you are growing business, you also utilize networking meetings as something really incredibly beneficial for you, because it can Now one of the things that is very different about this American culture versus us Europeans is that Americans do a lot of small talk, which is basically talking about weather and just some irrelevant things, things that don't matter right, just having a little chit chat. 

11:44
You're going to be doing this with your neighbor. You're going to be doing small talk in a grocery store, an elevator, where there is a situation that you are briefly with another human being not to be in an awkward silence. You're going to be talking and doing small talk, and a lot of networking meetings are like that. I am not a huge fan of going to networking meetings where I just small talk. I really like going deeper, quicker, because I like deeper conversations, and so this is when I go to the networking meetings. I like to really use my intuition and try to chat with the people I'm actually really interested in. 

12:18
But I have to tell you that my most favorite meetings are actually the meetings after the networking meeting, where I get to talk to that human one-on-one in a calmer environment and I really get to know them better, that those meetings are always my favorite because when we go to networking meetings it's almost like we all have this persona. Right. We have this business persona on and we are presenting ourselves in a certain way, and then when you're one-on-one with someone, it's a very different atmosphere. You actually see the human behind the persona. So I strongly recommend that if you go to networking meetings, schedule these meetings after the meetings. That's where you get to know the people. You get to see if you like them, if you trust them, if this is someone that you want to really add to your network and sometimes it will be a person like that and sometimes it won't be and you're gonna feel it. Trust your intuition. You're gonna feel if this is a human that you vibe really well with or not. 

13:14
Now, one of the things when you are interacting with these different humans, do not be creepy, right? You make sure that you're really paying attention to how the other person is acting, because you might be talking to an introvert, someone who is super shy and feels really odd when you're asking so many questions. If you feel that, stop asking questions. Don't be a creep. Either share something about yourself that feels right or just move on. Right. 

13:37
When you go to networking meetings that are open networking, if you come late, you're gonna walk in and you're gonna see a room filled with groups of people who are already in a conversation. It is so much harder to enter the conversation when you walk in late. This is why I strongly suggest that you go to these meetings earlier. Also, if you go earlier, sometimes you have a chance to talk to the organizers. Organizers of the networking meetings are typically people who know a lot of different business owners. They're just a good connection. This would be a good time to get to know them better. 

14:14
Ask them questions like how long have you been running this meeting for? Why did you start it? What do you like the most about it? You could also ask them what is their favorite type of networking meeting. Of course, you can be asking them also what they do for a living right, Because most likely they are also in business, and you can ask them the same questions I've given you earlier, where you talk about well, what do you do for a living? What's your favorite client story? Why do you do what you do? 

14:43
It's actually pretty simple Be a human being, be kind, be interested and don't be a creep. All right, I have one more thing for you. Be kind, be interested and don't be a creep, all right, I have one more thing for you, one really, really beneficial thing for you to do. That is an absolute game changer. So, before you go to a networking meeting, you can decide what you want to be thinking about yourself in that room, about other people, and what you want to be thinking is that other people are thinking about you. 

15:22
This is important because with us immigrants, especially if you have an accent, especially if you feel like you have a hard time building connection in the US because it is not your home and you feel like there's inner blockages that are holding you back from building connections it's very important that you decide for yourself what you're going to think about it. The reason for it is that you know how I told you about the lower brain and how it scans reality, and it's giving you very quick interpretation of reality. That's black and white. Right, your lower brain is looking for threat. Your lower brain is also, as it's looking for threat, it's also gonna be looking for answers about the reality that you've stepped into. So if you're going to a networking meeting you've never been before and you're gonna go to a place you've never been before and interact with people you have never met, all of this is unfamiliar ground to your lower brain, and your lower brain will want answers. It will want to know oh, what are these people thinking about me? Are they a threat? Right? So if you have that in your mind before you even go, it's going to be way easier to feel calmer, because if your mind is like, oh my gosh, I've never been here before, yeah, I have never been here before, but I'm okay, I will figure it out. I have been to many places in the US. This is not gonna be that different. I've been to a restaurant before, many, many times. I'm gonna be fine. I've talked to people before. I'm gonna be fine. I know this is very simple, right the way how I'm explaining it. I'm gonna be fine. I know this is very simple, right the way how I'm explaining it. I'm like talking to you now of these obvious sentences as though I was talking to a child. 

16:57
But you have to understand that that lower part of the brain is like a child in your mind, prefrontal cortex is like an adult. That's the part that analyzes, uses imagination. That's the part that analyzes, uses imagination. That's the part where you can use your logic. But lower brain is not like it. And when you go to an unfamiliar territory, lower brain is the most active part in your head, okay, so this is why you want to have very clear ideas about what you want to be thinking before you go. When you go, as you are entering the room, right, you want to create a safe environment for yourself because your lower brain wants safety, and safety is certainty, and certainty comes from these answered questions. 

17:44
So, for example, you could think to yourself anything you want to about yourself in a situation you could be thinking well, I've never been here before and I'm doing something I haven't done before. I'm being courageous. That's something I can respect. I can just show up and be myself, and some people will like it and some people will be indifferent to it. It doesn't matter. I'm gonna be myself, because the people that are meant to be my friends, it will be easier for them to find me and for me to find them if I am allowing myself the freedom of being me, if I'm not pretending to be someone else. 

18:24
Yeah, you can also decide what you want to be thinking about the people that you're meeting. Decide what you want to be thinking about the people that you're meeting. You could be thinking, oh, you know, like immigrants have a lot of this. Americans are different. They're strange. Deep inside, many, many immigrants feel that Americans are better or worse than us. It depends what kind of a story you have. But when I work with my clients, I find this often in both of the situations. 

18:52
So you either show up as this like well, I'm better than everybody else who would want to talk to someone who is in that energy right who leads with ego, and so you really want to be very clear that you don't come across from this like insecure. I'm better than you place. So the thoughts that you can think to yourself are I'm gonna meet some really amazing people, I'm gonna have a great time, and if I don't have a great time, I can always leave. So you want to make sure that that's clear. But also, what you want to make sure is that you are very, very clear on what are the people thinking about you as you're talking to them. So you want to give your mind a very clear answer on what are the people that you are talking to thinking about you, because your mind is gonna be giving you all different kinds of negative thoughts. Your mind is gonna be like oh, she thinks I'm weird, I have an accent. She thinks I'm an immigrant, I'm probably here illegally, or that I'm like one of those brides that just married for money, right, like? We have all different kinds of stories in our mind about Americans. You want to really make sure that that's clear for you. 

20:12
Before you go and meet Americans, take a piece of paper and write down what do I think about Americans, what do I assume they are thinking about me? Clean it up before you go and try networking with people, because if you go there and you have one of the main thoughts in your head is that Americans are not honest and they're just pretending to be nice, your networking experience is gonna not be that good. Right, because you will not be coming from an honest energy. You will be the one that's not honest. You're gonna be the one pretending to be someone else. Right, you're gonna be in this like energy. Oh, I'm not gonna show who I am because they're not showing who they are. You're gonna be the one hiding, and that's not gonna be fun for anyone, neither for the people that are talking to you or for you. That's gonna feel yucky. Networking is an amazing opportunity for you to grow your business, make some awesome friends. 

21:08
You know, when I have moved to Florida from Michigan, it was a change. Of course, I have moved before from Poland to United States, here to Michigan, and so I was obviously already experienced in making a big change. But still, this was quite a change. Michigan and Florida, two completely different states, different demographics, and I was moving into an area where I didn't know anyone. And so I told myself what's networking going to be like? And those were the thoughts. I'm going to go out there, I'm going to meet great people, everybody's going to be nice to me, I'm going to be nice to them and I'm just going to have a really, really great time. And I have to tell you gonna have a really, really great time. And I have to tell you, in my experience it has been like that 99% of the time, 99%. So you might be curious about, okay, what is that 1%? Well, that was a moment, so it wasn't even a whole networking meeting, it was a moment. 

22:07
I remember it was actually one of the very first meetings that I went to here in Sarasota and it was a moment I remember. It was actually one of the very first meetings that I went to here in Sarasota, and it was a meeting just for women kind of it's. Actually, it was on the rooftop of a hotel and so it was an open area, but there was a table and some chairs where it was just the women sitting for the networking group, and so I walked up to them and started talking to them, but one of the ladies that was actually the meeting organizer when she saw me, she gave me this really nasty look. I have no idea whom she was. We have never met before. 

22:46
It was my very first time there and I've just felt unwelcomed, right, I felt like she didn't want me to be there and I stayed because I was like, well, I already came here, right, I got ready, I got dressed, I gathered the courage to come, I did all the things, I did my makeup, I got dressed, I did all the things and I showed up and just because she gave me a look, I'm not, I'm not going home, and so I stayed and I was sitting next to a few fantastic women. We really had a great conversation. They were interested in me, I was interested in them. We ended up talking all evening and I really enjoyed it. But as I was sitting and talking to them from time. 

23:30
Time to time I would glance at this lady that was just not happy to see me and you know what I saw? She was not happy to see anyone. She was sitting there, miserable, I have no idea why. Today I would have walked up to her and talked to her, but then I just felt uncertain, right, and I didn't do it Today I would have, but back then I didn't. And I'm still curious, like what has happened in her life that she had such a bad day? Or is it that she just has a bad life and is in this kind of a mood all the time? But it might happen. 

24:04
Now, if it does happen for you, you want to be prepared before you go, for the worst case scenario, which could be that you go and you don't enjoy it. You don't meet anyone that you can talk to, it's not that fun for you at all. You really actually hate it and overall it's a terrible, terrible experience and you're like, oh my gosh, evelina, what did you tell me to do? This was awful. If that does happen to you, you want to have a very clear plan of what you're gonna do. And so, before you go to a networking meeting, give yourself five minutes to take a piece of paper and write down how will you take care of yourself? If this is gonna be a terrible disappointment, okay, so maybe it is that you're gonna allow yourself, when you come back, to take a really, really long bath. You're going to call that girlfriend and you're going to tell her how awful it was. Or maybe you're going to come back home, take a piece of paper, you're going to write it all out and, just you know, allow yourself to be sad, but knowing that you're not going to ignore yourself through that feeling of disappointment. It's very, very important and I very strongly suggest that you do that, because it will also give you more courage, right? Because if you know that you are going to take care of yourself in the worst case scenario and you know exactly how you're going to do that, that's going to give you a really strong push to go there and just to actually give it a try. So these are some of the tips I have for you, my friends. If you would like to know more, just send me an email and talk to me. 

25:31
Remember, I'm a life coach for immigrants, which means that I help immigrant women, specifically from my part of the world from Eastern Europe. I help them develop a sense of belonging here in United States and self-confidence. So, first of all, with belonging. That's where you feel like this is your home and you feel like you are safe, connected and understood. I help you develop those feelings that it's not something that has to happen naturally on its own. It's a process you can be in charge of and I very, very strongly recommend that you do that. That you do that, because if you don't feel like you live in a place that is your home, if you don't feel like you are understood, if you don't feel safe to make connections, that's stopping you from really enjoying your life. And what is the point of going through all the stress, all the expense of moving so far away from your home country if you're gonna suffer here? 

26:29
I was in that space for a long time. There was a time, from 2005 until 2011, when I was going through an identity crisis and that was something that was happening on its own. I had no idea what's going on. I just thought there's something wrong with me If I was losing my old identity, my Polish identity. I did not know whom I really am when I came from Poland here to the US. I was 24 years old, but still my mind, I mean, you could be 80 years old and you could not know who you are. This is truly more about what is your relationship with yourself? How do you see yourself? Who are you? Have you decided, or is it that the society has decided for you? 

27:11
When I came from Poland here, I was kind of a mishmash of just ideas that people had for me whom I was supposed to be. I didn't have a very clear identity when I was coming from Poland. I was very insecure and then I became an American wife, which is another role that I walked into, and I was extremely uncertain. What does that even mean? And of course, I was trying to people please and be this version of me that I wasn't and I kept on thinking that I'm failing at it terribly and at the same time, I felt like I am not being myself and I'm losing a huge part of me. It was extremely confusing, really, really difficult mentally and emotionally and it lasted for years and I really wish I had me back then to walk me through the process that I take my clients through today, which is a lot of self-introspection, that's a lot of deep questions, but at one point you arrive at a very clear picture of who you are, whom you want to be. 

28:10
It does not mean that you're gonna lose yourself. You're actually gonna keep the parts of you that you really want to keep. There are parts of your identity that are imprinted within you because of the courage of your ancestors. You're not gonna want to lose that. There are some beautiful parts of your culture within you and you get to decide what it is that you actually really want to keep and what it is that you want to embrace in this new culture and this new place you live in. And deciding on purpose with the help of a coach is something that I needed. 

28:43
Back then I did not know that I needed it. I was extremely confused, like I said, but today I understand very, very well that I was creating my own confusion. I was my own biggest enemy and my best solution. The problem is that I not only did not understand that I was creating my own problem, I had no idea how to get myself out of it. If you need help clearing that out so that you can feel like you're understood, you can feel like this is your home. It's a safe place where you can be yourself and you can build healthy connections. If you need that, reach out to me. I'm here to help you. I've suffered for so long. My heart goes out to every single immigrant that feels the same way I felt, and I know there's a lot of you out there, so make sure to go to my site. I will include the link in the description of this show. Go to my website, schedule a 20-minute talk with me. It's gonna be just 20 quick minutes where we talk and you tell me what the problem is, and then I get to really see if I am the person to help. We confirm that and then we schedule a longer consultation during which we will be discussing exactly what I will be helping you with and how I will do that. We'll discuss our collaboration then. 

30:04
Another part that I also help immigrant women with is self-confidence. Many of us struggle with confidence. I definitely did. Building self-confidence is also a process that does not have to happen organically. It is something that you can build and it has to do with changing your self-concepts, so what you think about yourself. You have to develop self-trust and you also have to learn to feel emotions consciously, so that when you feel bad about something, you don't abandon yourself, but you become a witness to the difficult feelings you have within you and you transmute them consciously, and so you actually take care of yourself and you don't abandon yourself in pain. It's not a super complicated process. It's extremely, extremely important, and so, at the end of the day, what I help my immigrant women do is develop different relationships that they have with themselves, a relationship that is based on love and understanding and acceptance. 

31:04
If you need my help, go to the website. You'll see all the info there. My lovely, wonderful friends, thank you so much for listening to this podcast. If you enjoyed it, if you found it valuable, please make sure to leave me a review, and if you would like to see the video that I have taken when I was recording this podcast, you can do so on YouTube. There is a Life Coach for Immigrants channel. Make sure to subscribe when you go there. I need more subscribers. This is such a such a new project and I would really appreciate your support. So reviews and subscriptions are very helpful. And also, please share this podcast with your other immigrant friends. Thank you so much. Take care, I'll talk to you next time. Bye.